A Dog in a Hat

Thankful...

2011-11-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

That Jesus is the one true light that can break through the darkness. Overwhelmed today that so many don't know this. Love this song, this video, and my God that shines His light so that we can SEE.

We have a daughter.

2011-11-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

One that has not appeared on this blog more than a handful of times in her 16 month life. I'm changing that.
Here is Miss Ellery Jane in some of her 16 month cuteness - straight from the best invention ever {the iphone}.

Experiencing In N Out for the first time...I told her to say "cheeeeeeeeese"

This girl is happiest in a swing. Pure delight!

Garage sale-ing in style with Mommy. People can't resist a cute baby bargainer.

Oh, a pumpkin! Hoot Hoot!

TuTu cute this Halloween as Elmo. Faye, a mom at Shelby's school, makes Ellery the CUTEST tutu's...including this adorable Elmo ensemble. It WAY exceeded my expectations and Ellery loved it so much that she kissed Elmo's face when she saw it.

Much more to come! Hope I still have a few faithful readers! :)

Holiday Happiness!

2011-11-13T19:30:00.000-08:00

Speaking of holidays - I can't believe so MANY have passed since I last posted! So much has happened, and while I'd like to go back and add every single thing...that's probably unlikely. BUT, I can start from here and let's go ahead and call this one of my "early" new years resloutions. :) But I digress...

I love the Thanksgiving/Christmas season for SO many reasons...so many important reasons...
BUT. Ya'll. {this is clearly headed for the "eternally unimportant but holiday necessity" category} I love Christmas cards! Some of y'all know what I'm talkin' about {be honest!}. Getting all excited to see the colored envelopes in the mail each day and wondering who it's from and what they wore? Makes me excited just thinking about it! Ha - I know I'm not the only one out there! Really though - I love seeing each of our beautiful friends, their sentiments, and from many of them - their joy and thanksgiving and praise for the one true Savior and King, Jesus! So as I started the really-difficult-sometimes-so-overwhelming-that-you-almost-don't-send-one task of trying to pick a card this year, my jaw dropped at all the cute options. I mean, I am not usually trying to decide between one or two cards..I'm picky. Like have a friend design it for me because nothing works picky. Silly picky. But this year, the amazing Tiny Prints has come through with "best present on Christmas morning" success. I mean, look at this!

And this!

Do not be surprsied if you see either one of these cards in your mailbox this holiday season. I can't get over the cuteness of both. The colors! The "chevronish" pattern! And the back of the cards? Printed as well. L.O.V.E. Run (or click super fast) over to see their amazing selection of Christmas cards! Thank you, Tiny Prints for proving that there are cards out there for the pickiest of clients! Now to just decide which awesome card I'll choose...I've ordered their cards for other occasions before and been very pleased so I can't wait to see how our Christmas cards turn out. But really, I'll let you all be the judge. :)

And because it's not even Thanksgiving yet....Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Christmas card hunting!

4th of July

2010-10-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

The 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays to celebrate. Shelby's uncle, Guy, always goes all out and buys tons of fireworks for a huge dsplay. Every year the whole family goes to their house to swim, cookout, and watch the fireworks. Even though E was just a few days old, we were determined not to miss it! We didn't make the fireworks, but we were able to partake in some hot dogs {yummy and a 4th must have}, swimming, and family time. And E got to dip her feet in the pool for the very first time.

Lovin' a tan already

2010-10-26T14:31:00.000-07:00

At Ellery's first Dr.'s visit {at 5 days old}, we discovered that her jaundice levels were high. We didn't notice her yellowish tint at home, but in the doctors office it was pretty noticeable. The levels were high enough that she had to spend 24 hours in a lovely miniature tanning bed so to speak. Cooks home health brought and picked up the bed to/from our house {sorry to disappoint - just in case any of you were thinking you could come and use it now}, and set it all up for us. She did better than I thought she would, but it was a rough night for mom and dad. Other than to feed, Ellery had to lay only in her diaper, on her back on the bili blanket in the bed. Even when I was nursing, I had to leave the bili blanket on her back. It was SO sad. I dreaded putting her back in there. Thankfully after this whole routine, her levels went down and she was cleared. Here's our sweet little glow worm!

She had to have on the little soft glasses at all times to protect her eyes...she was so good about wearing them even though I know they bothered her. Last cuddle before I had to put her in - Mommy was more sad at this point that she was.

Our little glow worm. :) Couldn't wear anything but a diaper, glasses, hat, socks, and mits.

Kiva protecting her sister.

Last stretch in the bed before our Dr. Appt to have her levels checked again.

Cleared and looking so cute sporting my "non yellow tan". One of my favorite outfits. :)

Best friends times 2

2010-10-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

Last Halloween, our good friends Sarah and Bret brought their son Maddox by for some trick or treating. However, it ended up being much more of a "treat" for Sarah and I, as we both shared with each other that we were pregnant! It was such a funny moment ~ I excitedly shared that I was pregnant and Sarah's immediate response was "me too"! What fun it was to find out we were both having little girls, due one week apart. In the end though, they were to be born much closer than that. Bret and Sarah took this picture of us the afternoon Ellery was born at about 3:00....Sarah was still pregnant.

When the nurse woke me up at about 5 the next morning {a mere 13 hours later}, she started asking me lots of "weird" questions. The conversation went something like this:

Nurse: Do you know anyone here?
Me: Umm...you mean anyone that works here?? No, I don't think so.{Again, it's 5 AM}
Nurse: Do you know anyone in the hospital here?
Me: Hmmm.....Well, I have a few pregnant friends...I suppose one of them could be here.
Nurse: Have you gotten any phone calls?
Me: Oh yes, we've had lots of calls from friends and family.
Nurse: ~~Please for the love ask me if your friend Sarah is here~~ Let me get you your phone (it was out of my reach and had been for hours)
Me: Oh thank you, it's been out of my reach and I didn't want to wake Shelby up to get it.
Me again - now with phone: OH MY GOSH! My friend Sarah is in labor and is headed to the hospital (except the text msg was from 5 hours ago). I wonder if she's had the baby yet?! She's probably in labor and delivery! (Trying to text as fast as I can.)
Nurse: {Cue "Hallelujah"!} No she's not, she's right next door. {big smile}
And, scene.

So to make a short story LONG {as I'm good at doing}, sweet Olivia Layne came soaring into this world a mere 12 hours after Ellery. And then we spent the next 24 hours right next door to some of our best friends and their new bundle of joy. Sidenote: The sweet L&D nurses called down to postpartum when Sarah was in L&D and asked if a room next to the Timmermans was available (Bret and Sarah had mentioned their friends were here) and the sweet nurses saved the room next to us for them. See, I told you the nurses were great! ;) We visited, laughed hard, oohed and aahed over the girls, and shared dinner together {and then had the nurses to tell us to please be quiet - ha!} The girls even had their first sleeopver. :) What fun it was to share this experience together. We love you guys, and your sweet kids! Ellery and Olivia, BFFB.

Hooray for you!

2010-10-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

"For quite a long time the world saved a place.

Millions were born, yet none filled your space."

"Until the second of a minute of one special day,

you took your first breath,

and the world said

HOORAY!"

(Above taken from "Hooray for You", a book given to us by "Aunt Katy")

My eyes welled with tears as I read the first 2 pages of the book "Hooray for You"; I felt that it was somewhat putting into words what I couldn't find words for. Ellery Jane came screaming into this world on June 24, 2010 and changed our world forever. I'm not sure there was a dry eye in the operating room, as we celebrated and praised the Lord for the healthy arrival of our precious baby girl. Family and friends prayed and waited anxiously and I'm told the grandmothers both burst into tears when Dr. Neville went to tell them all the good news. We LOVE my OB, Dr. Neville, and are so thankful for the care and love she has shown us. This was an especially sweet delivery for both of us, as she delivered Poppy last June. We had a wonderful stay in the hospital and loved {almost} all of our nurses. ;) Below are some pictures from our stay, and of some of the proud family and friends that came to visit. Blessed is an understatement. Our little girl is finally here and we are in love.

HOORAY for you, indeed.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the

heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

James 1:17

Catching Up!

2010-10-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

Over the next few days you may find me doing something that will likely make you gasp out loud and shriek with joy (and maybe even do some hand clapping). Yes, dear readers (all 2 of you at this point)...I'm going to be updating the blog! Stay tuned! :)

Immeasurably more...part 2

2010-07-06T09:41:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the world...

Ellery Jane Timmerman

Born June 24, 2010 at 1:00 pm

7 lbs, 1 oz. 19 inches and

perfect!

With love and great joy,

Shelby and Beth

A Happy Homecoming

2010-06-16T06:23:00.000-07:00

As I sit here a week away from giving birth, I think about how different it will all look this time around. A year ago today, I labored and gave birth to our sweet Poppy to say goodbye. A goodbye to this earth and everything here, and a hello to her Father - her Creator and Maker of the universe. So today, amidst some grief and sorrow, we celebrate her homecoming. Do we miss her? Everyday. But we believe in a big God. And we believe that we will be reunited and that this life we live on earth is but a breath of how long we will spend in eternity with her. One of my favorite songs by Selah, appropriately titled "I will carry you", has a few lines in it about how much the Lord loves and cares for the babies that go before us. So beautiful and promising are the words (and picture) to me when they sing:

"I've shown her photographs of time beginning,
Walked her through the parted sea...
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes,
Who could love her like this?"

He is faithful. And He loves us. And I believe this not because we are a week away from giving birth to another baby girl, but because it is who He is. He has been faithful to us through the anger, and the tears, and the joy. And we are thankful. Thank you to all of you who have prayed, petitioned, and walked with us this past year - for your friendship, encouragement, and love. And the weight and burden you have often carried for us. Here we are - one year later - breathing and walking. And today, rejoicing.

"Arise, shine, for your light has come..." (Is. 60:1). Happy Homecoming, sweet girl. We love you.

Immeasurably more...

2010-02-04T14:08:00.000-08:00

It's a healthy baby GIRL!

I've waited a long time to make this post. Aside from it being a couple of days past my sonogram, I feel like this is the post I've been waiting to write and the words I've been longing to say since last June. It still doesn't seem real, but I'm so thankful that it is. That there's no more imagining, that the Lord chose to answer our prayers in this way. We are humbled, grateful, thrilled, and a bit speechless (shocking, I know :) ). And we can't wait to meet her.

Today we're thanking the Lord for both of our little girls....

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21 Immeasurably more, indeed.

The life I planned

2010-01-28T09:36:00.000-08:00

Most of the people reading this know me (in fact, I would be honored if I had any blog stalkers that don't know me- maybe it wouldn't make me feel so guilty?!?) :). I love to make lists. LOVE it. I'm pretty sure I wanted to be some type of secretary when I was little, so that I could just make lists and write checks - ha! Now, most of you also know that I'm not the best "follow through-er" - meaning I make lots of lists and abandon them. In short, I like to plan but wouldn't consider myself Type A. And something that I have found to be a daily struggle is how much - in an unassuming, inconspicuous way - that I like to plan my life. I have dreams in my head that are purely earthly and don't at all look eternal. Gulp. I have an idea of what the house we will eventually buy will look like (adorable), what neighborhood (city, even) it will be in, and how cute my children will look playing in the front yard. And while some of you may be saying, "what's wrong with that", if I was able to paint a picture just imagine I am June Cleaver and my life is perfection. And then laugh with me (if you know me) and say "are you serious"? I am not June Cleaver. We rent our house (which we love and are appreciative of). We are joyfully expecting a baby, but know what it feels like to go home from the hospital empty handed. June Cleaver didn't (and I can imagine wouldn't have wanted to) plan this life. But God did. Sometimes I just need to be reminded of that, and today is one of those days. My earthly plans pale in comparison to his Eternal ones, and on a day like today I pray that the dreams in my head would get bigger and more elaborate. That I wouldn't feel trapped and disappointed by my measly June Cleaver plans.
When we lost Poppy, one of my best friends gave me a journal with this poem written inside it. Today is a good day for it and I thought I would share. Thanks for letting me ramble, and if you are a blog stalker I hope you'll come back for what will surely be a better post next time. :)

The Life I planned
Has someone seen the life I planned?
It seems it's been misplaced.
I've looked in every corner;
It's lost without a trace.

I've found one I don't recognize --
Things missing that were dear;
Promises I'd hoped to keep,
And dreams I'd dreamed aren't here.

Faces I had planned to see,
Hands I planned to hold;
Now absent in the pictures;
Not the way I told.

Has someone seen the life I planned?
Did it get thrown away?
God took my hand from searching;
Then I heard Him say --

"Child, your ears have never heard,
Your eyes have never seen,
Eternal plans I have for you
Are more than you could dream.

You long to walk by sight,
But I'm teaching eyes to see;
I know what I'm doing --
'Till then, you must believe.

He's done so much, I felt ashamed
To know He heard my moans.
To think I'd trade in all He's done
For plans made on my own.

I wept over His faithfulness
And how He'd proved Himself;
How He'd gone beyond my dreams
And said to Him myself,

"No, my ears have never heard,
My eyes have never seen,
Eternal plans You have for me
Are more than I could dream.

"Yes, I long to walk by sight
But You're teaching eyes to see;
You know what You're doing --
'Till then, I must believe.

I felt His great compassion --
Mercy unrestrained.
He let me mourn my losses
And showed to me my gains.

I offered Him my future
And released to Him my past.
I traded in my dreams
For a plan He said would last.

I get no glimpse ahead;
No certainties at all,
Except the presence of the One
Who will not let me fall.

Are you also searching
For a life you planned yourself?
Have you looked in every corner?
Have you checked on every shelf?

Child, your ears have never heard,
Your eyes have never seen,
Eternal plans He has for you
Are more than you could dream.

Perhaps you long to walk by sight,
But He's teaching eyes to see;
He knows what He is doing --
Child, step out and believe.

By Beth Moore

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

Sunday afternoon blogger

2010-01-24T13:47:00.000-08:00

I've not been good in the past at posting things quickly (like our NYC recap which is still in the works :) ), so I'm trying to post things faster this year. We've had a busy but great weekend!
Friday evening we drove to Dallas to eat dinner with Issac and Tara, and Shae and Smith. Precious Smith was born on Thanksgiving, but because Charlie and Shae currently reside in TN we hadn't gotten to see that sweet boy yet. We all missed Charlie and wished he could have been with us - mostly I wish he could've seen the way his buddies were loving on his son. What a sweet moment as we get to celebrate the beginning of sharing another generation of life together. When I met Shelby almost 10 years ago, I was blessed to be welcomed into this wonderful group of friends. All of the girls that I met then have gone on to become wives to these friends. And I love them dearly. And I love the way their men love Shelby (and me). They are ALL such a blessing and we have loved living and sharing life with each of them (and vacations together!) . And I look forward to having babies together and sharing these next stages of life together too! Sweet Smith is the biggest little boy I have ever seen, with THE cutest head of hair. At 8 weeks old, he is a long 15 pounder!

Shae is a wonderful, laid back mom who was happy to share her son (and Smith was a trooper) with all of us that night. It was so good to see them, and even better to know that we will see them again in just a few weeks!

Saturday was busy as well; I got my hair done and prepared for the celebrations we had last night. Our night began by celebrating our dear friend Chris' 40th birthday. It is hard to describe this man with words, and his celebration was a beautiful reflection of his dedication to the Lord and his family and friends. Shelby and I felt privledged to sit in a room with so many others, honored to be so loved by Chris and his wife Tiffany. Not only is Chris a talented artist and teacher, loving husband and father, he makes time for people and loves them with the love of the Father unlike anyone I have known. Shelby and I have benefitted from that love and encouragement and were so blessed to share last night toasting (and roasting) Chris. :) And of course, the setting was beautiful - Tiffany has a gift for never doing anything "half-way". Shelby's final comments on the party were - "When I was a kid I wanted to be like people like Michael Jordan, now I want to be like Chris Guild".

After Chris' party, we were off to celebrate at a couples shower for Courtney and Nick. If you have read my blog for a while, you may remember that we attended a engagement party for this sweet couple this past summer. Their wedding is drawing near (Feb 27), and we are so excited to get to celebrate them. Their shower was so fun and we can't wait for the wedding. Courtney and I spent everyday working together for almost 2 years and became great friends as a result. I definitely miss seeing her everyday!
So far for Sunday - we've been to church, lunched with some great friends, and are now relaxing a bit with our puppy (most likely including a little NFL football and napping) :).
As I look back on this weekend, I'm thankful that the Lord has placed each person we have spent time with in our lives. That He is refining and shaping us to look more like Him through these friends. And that we get to share life together, period.
And to those of you reading that we didn't get to spend time with this weekend - the same is to be said for all of you. We love sharing life with you and are thankful for the way you have impacted our lives.
The only thing I bet you all didn't realize when you started reading this - is that the Sunday afternoon blogger is a little sappy. I'll blame it on the hormones. :)

It's almost Friday

2010-01-21T07:44:00.000-08:00

But until then, I'm dreaming of a far away place....

with clear waters....

And skinny arms.... :)

I'm just sayin'....
(all photos from our honeymoon, September 2005)

One for the ages

2010-01-06T10:11:00.000-08:00

*Warning! LONG post ahead!*

I have to admit - I wouldn't have minded 2009 lingering on a few days longer this year. This has been a year full of joy and sorrow, and definitely a hard one to let go of. One for the ages for sure. It's been a year that has shaped us and challenged us like I would never have thought possible. It's been a year for miracles, both of the physical and spiritual kind. I'm not sure I can remember another year that I have felt more loved, but can definitely remember years I have ached less. Without further ado, here's a quick recap of the life of the Timmermans - 2009 edition (pictures added where available :).

I'm copying this from a friends blog, I loved the idea - thanks Lindsey!

*January*

- Threw a baby shower for a friend who lives too far away

- Celebrated Samantha's 28th birthday with great friends

- Got to experience World Mandate for the first time and LOVED it!

*February*

- Spent some time with Katy and Geoff while they were in town

- Shelby took a quick trip to Denver

- Celebrated the birth of Annalea to our sweet friends Lauren and Andy

- Found out I was pregnant!

*March*

- Took our first hike as a family of four at Dinosaur Valley State Park in Glen Rose

- Shelby's sweet Grandma and the Matriarch of the Timmerman family, passed away unexpectedly

- Beth spent a weekend in Denver with her sister and some wonderful friends, while...

- Shelby spent the weekend in Eagle, CO with his best buddies celebrating Nate's chemo being over!

*April*

- Celebrated the birth of Wyatt to our dear friends Ashlee and Jonny

- Enjoyed hosting the Paytons and celebrating Lindsay's 28th birthday in Ft. Worth

- Celebrated my 28th birthday

*May*

- Enjoyed getting cards and gifts on my first Mother's Day

- Celebrated my cousin Sarah's wedding in Aspen with a fun reception in Austin

- Kiva gets her first haircut

- Shelby worked his LAST day at Pearl Izumi!!!

- Celebrated Maddox's 2nd birthday with him watching the TX State Championship Criterium Race in FW

- Celebrated our sweet, precious nephew Dean's 1st birthday at his Grammy and Pa's house

*June*

- Go to the Dr. to find out our baby's sex; learn that our baby is sick and has many complications

- Take an already planned vacation to our favorite spot, Port Aransas

- Pray, hope, and believe the Lord will heal our baby

- He does ~ he takes our baby girl, Poppy Elizabeth, home to be with Him two weeks later.

- Shelby starts a program to get his teaching certificate

- Celebrate Shelby's 29th birthday and first Father's Day, just not the way we thought we would

- Celebrate Poppy's short, sweet life with family and precious friends

*July*

- Spend 4th of July at Concerts in the Garden with the Gage's

- Celebrate sweet Sarah's 30th birthday

- Charlie comes to visit Shelby and Isaac

- Shelby runs EL SCORCHO with our friend Kevin, and makes 15 miles look easy!

- Rangers game with the Kohlbacher's

- Celebrate Mi Carrita's 26th birthday

- Shelby's Mom and Michael take the family to the Wild Oak Ranch outside San Antonio

*August*

- Matt and Caroline get married! More time with Katy and Geoff :)

- Jenny and Molly come to visit from Denver

- Host a wedding shower for a sweet friend, Candi

- Shelby rides his first Hotter than Hell 100 with the Encore team in Wichita Falls, TX

- Bid farewell to the Land Cruiser and trade her in for a new Honda Pilot

*September*

- CORE discipleship training school begins!

- Jeff and Candi get married Labor Day Weekend in Valpraiso, IN and we visit Matt and Jordan in Chicago for the weekend

- Shelby started student teaching PE at Worth Heights Elementary

- Celebrated 4 years of marriage with my wonderful husband
- Caught up with old friends at my 10 year HS reunion

- Went to our first Cowboys Game at the new stadium - aka the Death Star (that's for you Shelby)

- Our lifegroup multiplies and I get baptized

*October*

- Spent a morning garage sale-ing with some great friends

- Travel to Waco to support the Bears at Baylor Homecoming

- Find out I'm pregnant, AGAIN!

- Honor Poppy's original due date of October 31 and celebrate that she is with Jesus

*November*

- Find out my company has made plans to merge with another

- Finish planning and take our last trip for the Encore Bank Meeting in Puerto Rico!
- Celebrate the arrival of Smith to our dear friends Charlie and Shae

- Celebrate Thanksgiving in New York with Shelby, complete with watching the Macy's parade in person

*December*

- Had the chance to honor a new but dear friends baby's short, sweet life here on earth at Shower for Glory.
What a blessing to be a part of such an amazing event!

- Celebrate Kiva's 2nd birthday

- Shelby goes to Kansas City to visit Jason

- I host CCCD '09 (Crazy Christmas Craft Day) for some friends

- Spend a weekend in Arkansas with some of Shelby's oldest friends and their families

and...

- Celebrate the birth of Jesus with a White Christmas

For any (or none of you) who are still reading: What a year it has been! Looking back over this very long, yet uncomprehensive list of things we have done over the past year amazes me. What the Lord has done and shown us has been remarkable. I pray that as we walk into 2010, we walk with a glimmer of the joy we found in 2009.

~HAPPY NEW YEAR from our growing family to yours~

It all came true.

2009-12-17T07:51:00.000-08:00

It's no secret that I love Ann Voskamp's blog "A Holy Experience". My throat began to tighten as I read this post yesterday, namely the part near the bottom where she says (speaking of the author of the scroll) "who believed the inner mystery of Christ in Christmas before there was a Christmas". And then it all came true. Everything the writers and believers of Old longed for, came true. And living centuries later, after the birth of Christ, am I reflecting on Jesus' birth in the magnitude in which it is due?

Lord, thank you that you fulfill your promises. Help me to believe this Christmas season with the assuredness and intensity of our brothers and sisters before us, before the birth of your Son.

In the blink of an eye...

2009-12-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

My sweet Kiva Jane went from this....

to this...

Happy 2nd Birthday Puppy Girl! We love you and are so thankful you're ours.

(yes, I am aware she will never read this and that she may look a little ridiculous in her last picture. She waited VERY patiently for that treat!)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2009-12-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

Weather wise at least! I could get used to this...

Happy {Snow Day} Holidays from the delinquent blogger! Be back soon!

Falling Apart?

2009-09-29T13:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last post - and really a lot has happened, I just haven't had time to put everything together. I'll tease you and say that we took a fun vacation, went to a few weddings, celebrated an anniversary, and went to my 10 yr HS reunion - whew! Hopefully I'll get some proof of those events up in the next few days....we'll see.

As for the title of this post - honestly, that's how I feel most days. Like I am falling apart. 1 piece at a time, some days feeling like I am already apart altogether. Lots of confusion (about all things), fear, sadness - all of that truly mixed in with happiness, joy, smiles, laughs. Sound confusing? It is! :) Crying out to the Lord and wanting to ignore Him all at the same time. I am nothing without my honesty. :) But today I had a thought - a revelation if you will. As I was feeling particularly overwhelmed, asking the Lord why I am falling apart like this He very gently asked me "are you falling apart or falling into place"? Excuse me? And then I started thinking about it and a peace fell over me. His ways are not my ways. His power is made perfect in my weakness. He builds cities out of ruins - meaning something must have been in ruins in the first place. The more I try to fix me, the more I realize I can't. But if I let Him refine me, let Him tear away pieces of me bit by bit, the more I may realize that I'm not being torn at all. Falling into place feels a lot like falling apart - dying to myself and all that I want for me isn't easy. But clinging tightly to the hopes and fears I have for me doesn't compare to the freedom I have in giving Him those things. I'm thankful that even when I bring Him nothing (which is what I feel like I've been bringing lately), He is capable to do more with my nothing than I can do with everything apart from Him.

Lord, thank you that you ask us to give all that we have in whatever form that looks like. And if all I'm able to throw in the pile is my "nothing", that you will use it for your glory in a way I could never fathom. Thank you that just when we feel like we're truly falling apart, you whisper in our ear that maybe we're just falling into you a little more than we're comfortable with. And I pray that I'm OK with that.....

Anyone else falling apart? :)

It's all in the genes...or not!

2009-09-01T18:17:00.000-07:00

Today marks 3 months since the day we found out Poppy was sick. I'll never forget the events of that morning - the outfit I was wearing, feeling nervous as we left the house, drinking OJ at McDonald's, Shelby's reassuring "I'm sure we'll be able to see what it is" (gender wise), our excited Moms, and lastly but overwhelmingly not least - "we are seeing some very disturbing things". Those were the first words uttered by the Dr. who saw me that morning as he gazed into the sonogram machine at our sweet little girl (although we didn't know she was a she at the time). Words that are forever burned in my memory as we lovingly watched our baby, not believeing what we were hearing. The Dr. told us there was no magical solution, we told him that was ok because we believed in miraculous solutions. No one could tell us precisely what was wrong, even the specialist Dr.'s weren't certain. All I know is we prayed harder and clung to God more in those 2 weeks than we ever had before. We were surrounded by friends, family, children, and people who didn't even know us who probably prayed more and clung to God more on our behalf than they had in a while. And you know what happened - He showed up. He met us in every moment and feeling, He comforted us, He grieved with us, He helped us enjoy a vacation, and He brought joy to us in what would be our last 2 weeks with Poppy. And then in His grace, He brought peace to us in the moments the Dr. told us she was gone. 3 months ago we started walking a road I didn't (and most days don't) want to walk. And as I look back, I see that He wasn't preparing us for losing Poppy (or what would come after losing her), but preparing us as to Who to trust in the losing. And as you can read from some of my previous posts, He has been - and is - faithful.

To the Dr.'s surprise, we discovered after testing that Poppy had Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome). Hello Fear, enter here - Trisomy 21 carries the chance of being genetic. As much as it didn't worry me and we trusted the Lord, it still lingered in the back of my mind - what if? What if all our children could have it? Will we still have children if that is the case? Sometimes it is just so overwhelming to know as much as we know. Let me enter here and say for clarity that I would be thrilled - albeit overwhelmed - to have a baby with DS. Anyways, as a result of the testing the Dr. recommended Genetic Counseling for us before trying again, and alas - the point of this post - our appointment was today! A mere 3 months later and I am thrilled to announce that the DS "is ~~all~~ NOT in the genes"! We know that this in no way guarantees us that we will not have a child with DS, but it is comforting to hear that after all of this we are "low risk". :)

Scared? Yes. Sad? Yes. Thankful? Undoubtebly. Hopeful? By grace, Yes! Not bad for 3 months and counting...

"Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful" Hebrews 10:23

Water to my soul

2009-08-26T09:05:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I stumbled upon the blog "A Holy Experience". I bookmarked it and every day that I read it Ann's words are like water to my soul. The way she illustrates what the Lord is speaking to her is beautiful to say the least. I hope that you enjoy her writing, and are as blessed and filled with the Spirit by her words as I have been. You can find her here.

A little Vacay

2009-08-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, we were treated to a weekend away at this little place outside San Antonio,

thanks to this lovely couple. :)

We enjoyed quite a bit of this:

and floated the mighty Rattlesnake River

while possibly enjoying one of these

After a long day by the pool on Saturday, we went into San Antonio and walked around the Market and ate dinner at Mi Tierra's, where we finally got a pic of the two of us

courtesy of the two of them :)

On Sunday, we went to Boerne with Michael and Susie. I had only passed through Boerne before, and it was really cute! We enjoyed lunch at this yummy little place - the Bear Moon Bakery.... They had the most delicious zucchini soup, I wish I had the recipe!

Then my sweet husband agreed to take a cheesy pic with me....

But only because I agreed to take one with him.

Overall, we had a great time and it was so nice to be away for a long weekend. I certainly enjoyed our time spent together,

and loved that he brought a memory of her.

Thank you so much Michael and Susie for our family weekend getaway ~ we'll go back anytime! Oh yeah, Mike was on the trip too but he was too busy chasing the ladies for me to get a picture of him! ;)

A Good Plan

2009-07-29T13:15:00.000-07:00

It hit me out of the blue this past Monday night. The moments of missing her often come like that - quick, powerful, and there so fast it's almost hard to remember where it came from. And in the midst of it I found myself asking the Lord this: "how is this situation pleasing to you?" This thought kept rolling around in my head, something about the "pleasing" part would not let go. Yes, I know that God is getting glory from Poppy's story - we are blessedly aware and so thankful for that. But what about the part that something this difficult would look "good" to Him? Tuesday was much of the same, the same thought swirling, not satisfied by the truth I was speaking to it. Then as I was tucking in for the night, I grabbed my bible (this particular version is the 365 day NLT) and started reading ahead the chapters for today, July 29. I am currently in Isaiah, in the chapters where Isaiah is revealing what will be Jesus' fate - what will be done on the cross through him. The words are so powerful, they are even written as if the cross had already happened, but Isaiah was centuries (?) before that event would take place. And this is what I read:

"But it was the LORD’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the LORD’s good plan will prosper in his hands. When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins." Isaiah 53:10-11

It was the Lord's good plan for His son to die. I can't imagine at the time - if I had been physically at the foot of the cross - that the Lord's plan would have looked good. But it was, and through His son we were redeemed and made heirs to the throne. She was redeemed, and His plan for us - and her - is good.

A shower for the C's

2009-07-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

On Saturday Shelby and I went to a party celebrating the engagement of our friends Nick and Courtney. Courtney used to work for me and Nick and I currently work together. Their friends The Nix's hosted and did a fabulous job ~ their house was super cute and the food and drinks were amazing! They even bought misters to go around the edges of the tent they had set up in the backyard to ease the heat. We had a great time celebrating the (almost) Cleveland's and can't wait for their wedding in February!
Us with the happy couple!
The food was so good I took a picture of it! Delicious peach cobbler and homeade ice cream! And just for the record, we shared that plate. :)

Where a kid can be a kid....

2009-07-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

Anybody remember that slogan? Yes?! I know - gross pizza, gross things in the ball pit, a creepy singing mechanical mouse but as a kid who honestly did not like Chuck E Cheese?!? We tagged along with some friends and their kiddos this past Friday night and enjoyed LOTS of skee ball, basketball and football games and thankfully - no pizza! :) By the end of the night, we even had enogh tickets for Maddox to get a nerf football and try some pop rocks for the frist time!:)
All the girls skee-balling
Shelby beat the high score at the football game - impressive!
Maddox trying pop rocks for the first time. He loved them!
And finally....evidence that I BEAT Shelby in the basketball game! This is truly a big feat - I never win and I beat him BOTH times we played! Love you Shel!

Thanks to The Billmans for inviting us ~ we had a great time!

One month today...

2009-07-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

I truly cannot believe a month has passed since Poppy was delivered into the arms of her King. It is a strange feeling for many reasons, but mostly because I think many days we feel like we have lived an eternity in that one month. If you are reading this post (or really this blog in general), you are SO special to Shelby and I; words are unable to express what you all have been to us. You have prayed for us, grieved for us and with us, cried so we didn't have to, brought meals to us, sent us cards and emails and flowers, and loved us in such a way that we have become overwhelmed by what the Body of Christ truly looks like. We have experienced it in a way that I hope you never have to, but what a blessing to feel what we have felt. YOU have been a blessing to us, YOU have helped us make it a month, YOU have helped us to see the face of Jesus more, and YOU have helped us remember Poppy. And we are ever so grateful.

*At the hospital on June 16 , about to go home. This is the book they gave us with her footprints. Definitely a prized posession of ours.

What's in a name?

2009-07-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, we thought it was a girl. Call it a hunch or a hope, whatever you like, we just knew the baby was a "she". It is at this point that I should stop and say that the odds were against us, and that the Timmerman family rarely sees an "XX" as the boys definitely outnumber the girls. But girl names came easily and although we never had a long list, we had a few that always seemed to stick around. Whatever the name ended up being, I just remember praying that it would be intentional, significant, meaningful. And as we tossed names back and forth (not very often), I resolved to waiting to see what we were having before we took it any further. Then came June 1, the day we had been waiting for. But instead of finding out the joyous news, we found out what I pray no one reading this will ever have to. News that made a gender, a name, a nursery color or theme, or whether we would stop at the outlet malls on the way home from vacation or not, seem like the most insignificant things on earth. And they were (but that is a story for another post, and trust me, I'll get there).

It seems like most couples these days give their babies-in-utero "names" so that the poor thing will not have to be "IT" until week 20 when the gender can be determined. We've heard of Peanut, Bean, etc, etc. When I found out I was pregnant, the baby was the size of a poppyseed and Shelby and I from that point on called our sweet one "Poppy". And when we found out the fatal news of our Poppy, we knew that no name that we had suggested would ever be right for her. Poppy was the only way we had known her, and that is what she was to us. So regardless of what it meant literally, that name carried a weight and a meaning to us that was indescribeable. But little did we know that God was writing His own story (as He does afterall), with what her name would mean.

Shelby asked his mom to find poppy flowers and bring them to the hospital for me, but poppies are NO WHERE to be found in TX this time of year. So she settled on bringing poppy seeds in a little pot with dirt. And then Shelby and I just about passed out when we turned over the small packet of seeds. When do poppies bloom in our area of TX? Why October of course - our original due date was Oct. 31. And as the days passed, my sister and a friend went on to say what else the poppy flower symbolized and we were amazed yet again. The poppy flower is also the national flower of remembrance and symbolizes resurrected life.

Coincidence? Most certainly not. Just part of her story, our story, and yet another reminder of who the Great Author is. Our nickname did not surprise Him, for He knew from the beginning exactly who she would be.

Poppy Elizabeth. We love you, and are so happy to be a part of your beautiul story.

"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalm 139:16

Hello World!

2009-07-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

I can't even remember how long I have been saying I will start a blog. Well, life has thrown us some unexpected curve balls recently and I thought - if I never had anything worthwhile to say before this, now I do! Thanks for reading (or stalking, however YOU wish to define it) and leave a comment to let us know you stopped by. And I'll try to post something mildly entertating every once in a while.

~Beth