It's been a while since my last post - and really a lot has happened, I just haven't had time to put everything together. I'll tease you and say that we took a fun vacation, went to a few weddings, celebrated an anniversary, and went to my 10 yr HS reunion - whew! Hopefully I'll get some proof of those events up in the next few days....we'll see.
As for the title of this post - honestly, that's how I feel most days. Like I am falling apart. 1 piece at a time, some days feeling like I am already apart altogether. Lots of confusion (about all things), fear, sadness - all of that truly mixed in with happiness, joy, smiles, laughs. Sound confusing? It is! :) Crying out to the Lord and wanting to ignore Him all at the same time. I am nothing without my honesty. :) But today I had a thought - a revelation if you will. As I was feeling particularly overwhelmed, asking the Lord why I am falling apart like this He very gently asked me "are you falling apart or falling into place"? Excuse me? And then I started thinking about it and a peace fell over me. His ways are not my ways. His power is made perfect in my weakness. He builds cities out of ruins - meaning something must have been in ruins in the first place. The more I try to fix me, the more I realize I can't. But if I let Him refine me, let Him tear away pieces of me bit by bit, the more I may realize that I'm not being torn at all. Falling into place feels a lot like falling apart - dying to myself and all that I want for me isn't easy. But clinging tightly to the hopes and fears I have for me doesn't compare to the freedom I have in giving Him those things. I'm thankful that even when I bring Him nothing (which is what I feel like I've been bringing lately), He is capable to do more with my nothing than I can do with everything apart from Him.
Lord, thank you that you ask us to give all that we have in whatever form that looks like. And if all I'm able to throw in the pile is my "nothing", that you will use it for your glory in a way I could never fathom. Thank you that just when we feel like we're truly falling apart, you whisper in our ear that maybe we're just falling into you a little more than we're comfortable with. And I pray that I'm OK with that.....
Anyone else falling apart? :)
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8 comments:
Beth, your thoughts and walk with the Lord encourage me and make me think. Thank you for your honesty...it's refreshing! Can't wait to see you soon, friend!
Love,
Ash
Love you. He is taking you some place. And yes. You know that I am at that place so often. Such a hard good place to be. Why does it have to be that way?
OK...i see that it says it was posted by you and Shelby, but when can I read something by Shelbers? Tell him his fans are waiting.
what a neat revelation. i love you and appreciate you sharing your life's ups and downs with us.
"falling into you a little more than we're comfortable with".....love that. so true. i love your honesty, its beautiful! you are doing awesome, so proud of how you are walking through this time. Jesus shines through you!
Okay, I'm crying, sweet woman of God. You are beautiful and you ARE still walking! Praying for you.
Just found your blog. Thank you so much for writing and for your words. You have a beautiful way of putting into words thoughts that I've had, too. I love how God gently talks to us. Such grace, such love, such compassion in his gentleness. I've been thinking about you guys a lot this October. He IS fashioning you. Thank you for encouraging us all to think of our hurts from such a perspective.
~ Brandynn
Beth,
Just found your blog. Loved reading your heart in this post. Love you!
Just found your blog. Wow, God is glorified through you Beth! And I totally agree that, "Falling into place, feels a lot like falling apart," and you are not the only one falling apart, thanks to His faithfulness to carry onto completion that which He has begun in us! Continuing to pray for you.... Love, Christy
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