The life I planned

Most of the people reading this know me (in fact, I would be honored if I had any blog stalkers that don't know me- maybe it wouldn't make me feel so guilty?!?) :).  I love to make lists.  LOVE it.  I'm pretty sure I wanted to be some type of secretary when I was little, so that I could just make lists and write checks - ha!  Now, most of you also know that I'm not the best "follow through-er" - meaning I make lots of lists and abandon them.  In short, I like to plan but wouldn't consider myself Type A.  And something that I have found to be a daily struggle is how much - in an unassuming, inconspicuous way - that I like to plan my life.  I have dreams in my head that are purely earthly and don't at all look eternal. Gulp. I have an idea of what the house we will eventually buy will look like (adorable), what neighborhood (city, even) it will be in, and how cute my children will look playing in the front yard. And while some of you may be saying, "what's wrong with that", if I was able to paint a picture just imagine I am June Cleaver and my life is perfection.  And then laugh with me (if you know me) and say "are you serious"?  I am not June Cleaver.  We rent our house (which we love and are appreciative of).  We are joyfully expecting a baby, but know what it feels like to go home from the hospital empty handed.  June Cleaver didn't (and I can imagine wouldn't have wanted to) plan this life.  But God did. Sometimes I just need to be reminded of that, and today is one of those days. My earthly plans pale in comparison to his Eternal ones, and on a day like today I pray that the dreams in my head would get bigger and more elaborate.  That I wouldn't feel trapped and disappointed by my measly June Cleaver plans.
When we lost Poppy, one of my best friends gave me a journal with this poem written inside it.  Today is a good day for it and I thought I would share.  Thanks for letting me ramble, and if you are a blog stalker I hope you'll come back for what will surely be a better post next time. :)

The Life I planned
Has someone seen the life I planned?
It seems it's been misplaced.
I've looked in every corner;
It's lost without a trace.

I've found one I don't recognize --
Things missing that were dear;
Promises I'd hoped to keep,
And dreams I'd dreamed aren't here.

Faces I had planned to see,
Hands I planned to hold;
Now absent in the pictures;
Not the way I told.

Has someone seen the life I planned?
Did it get thrown away?
God took my hand from searching;
Then I heard Him say --

"Child, your ears have never heard,
Your eyes have never seen,
Eternal plans I have for you
Are more than you could dream.

You long to walk by sight,
But I'm teaching eyes to see;
I know what I'm doing --
'Till then, you must believe.

He's done so much, I felt ashamed
To know He heard my moans.
To think I'd trade in all He's done
For plans made on my own.

I wept over His faithfulness
And how He'd proved Himself;
How He'd gone beyond my dreams
And said to Him myself,

"No, my ears have never heard,
My eyes have never seen,
Eternal plans You have for me
Are more than I could dream.

"Yes, I long to walk by sight
But You're teaching eyes to see;
You know what You're doing --
'Till then, I must believe.

I felt His great compassion --
Mercy unrestrained.
He let me mourn my losses
And showed to me my gains.

I offered Him my future
And released to Him my past.
I traded in my dreams
For a plan He said would last.

I get no glimpse ahead;
No certainties at all,
Except the presence of the One
Who will not let me fall.

Are you also searching
For a life you planned yourself?
Have you looked in every corner?
Have you checked on every shelf?

Child, your ears have never heard,
Your eyes have never seen,
Eternal plans He has for you
Are more than you could dream.

Perhaps you long to walk by sight,
But He's teaching eyes to see;
He knows what He is doing --
Child, step out and believe.

By Beth Moore

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9